All In Time, My Dear

The advice and knowledge my mother gives me will never escape me. I'm sure we can all remember the words we never want to hear from our moms. The painful truth about life. I'm trying to sit here and remember some key phrases, but there are too many to even conjure up! But I will say, thank you Mom AND Dad. Thank you for instilling a sense of peace within my soul. Thank you for always having the right thing to say at the wrong time. Because when the time is right, those words sneak up on me and I'm reminded of how wise you are.

Whenever I go through a tough time, my family, specifically my parents are the first people I go to. Thankfully I have an amazing support system. For instance, I am at a stage in my life where I have to take the next big plunge.... a career path. AH!!! Which one do I choose? Which job do I take? Is this much money enough? Is it even all about money? Will I be happy at this job? What should my budget look like? And the list goes on....

Making decisions and going through life by yourself is way too lonely. I thank God everyday I have my shoulders to lean on when I need them. Hidden treasure of the day: my healthy and loving family. 

Today Flagstaff was hit with a winter wonderland snow storm... in April. Yes, April. It has been non-stop snowing like a snow globe ALL DAY. Although I miss the sunshine and I was just getting used to loving the "run outdoor" weather... there's something about today that brought an inner peace, a serenity, a calm. There's something about being cooped inside, in comfy clothes, with the fireplace on, reading a good book, drinking tea, and watching movies that will forever calm my soul. I think the universe was telling me I needed to give my mind a rest! It has been all over the place lately and to be honest, it's exhausted. With graduation close, apartment hunting, preparing for a new job, and dealing with being a single lady again... it's only natural that my mind and soul are telling me to take a break. At least that is what I told myself today. 

So I took it upon myself to enjoy the gloomy snow... to sit in calmness, quiet, and just honestly not think about anything. VERY difficult to do by the way, I do not know how monks or people who meditate all the time do it! I decided to truck through the snow, get dressed, bring my school work, and head over to one of my favorite places on this earth... BARNES AND NOBLE :) :) :)

Hidden treasure number two of the day: I'm not alone. I ventured into the self-help and relationship section of the store. I took a peak and read the books I've heard about from others. One that struck me was It's Called a BreakUp Because It's Broken. 

I wish I had read this book when the break up first happened two months ago... but can't take back time. Wise, wise words with a lot of sarcasm and humor to ease the sad hearts in the world. I definitely recommend this book for any girl or even guy going through a rough break up. Sadly I feel like this advice was given to me many years ago when I dealt with my first serious break up. Over the years, I must have forgotten the rules... but you live and you learn, as Alanis Morissette would say. This book comforts me that I am not the only person who has felt such pain before, and that I WILL BE OKAY. Time is the healer of all wounds, something my mom constantly assures me of. 

For the first time in two months and after an all time low the last few days, I feel that the beauty in life lies in all these painful experiences. If we didn't have pain, we wouldn't appreciate beauty and joy. It takes turmoil and hurt and sadness and grief to realize self-actualization and peace within ourselves and with who we are. After all, God wired us the way we are for a reason. He must find some good in who we are. Don't forget though, self-actualization is probably going to happen 100 more times in your life. Hidden treasure number three today: expect sadness, sorrow, and pain as a part of life; if we expect it, we'll be able to handle the situation at more ease. 

Three hidden treasures in one day.... SUCCESS! :)

I Will Follow You

This weekend was eye opening. Even though going through a break up or personal struggles is painful and tough, the little life lessons and hidden treasures did not fail me. I was able to spend a lot of time outdoors the past few weekends; it always seems to help clear my head and put life in perspective for me. There is just something about being outdoors, with fresh air, beautiful scenery, and peace around you. It's calming. I tend to forget that the world around me is so much bigger than me and has much to offer.

Hiking Bell Rock Canyon in Sedona, AZ

Biking in Sedona, AZ

Running <3

I realized how thankful and lucky I am to have certain people in my life. I do not know what I would do without being able to open myself up and share my thoughts and feelings with people who truly understand, don't judge, and give me feedback. It really is a gift. I've always been a "sharer," and I wouldn't have it any other way. I have no idea how I would get through life if I didn't talk to people about it. It's my saving grace. Speaking of saving....

I was able to experience an amazing Good Friday church service and Easter Sunday service this weekend. 

Also, I am honored to say one of my best friends was confirmed and baptized into her church this weekend. Layne, I am SO proud of you and cannot wait to see what the future has to offer you! 

A dear friend of mine was in town and we shared a lot of meaningful discussions. He recommended several books for me to read when I graduate from grad school this May. I will FINALLY be able to read just for the heck of it :) 

• Confessions by St. Augustine
• The Jesuit Guide
• The Alchemist
• C.S. Lewis' The Screwtape Letters
• The Traveler's Gift
• Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand

I've really come to understand myself a bit better lately... through all of the midst and the chaos, I cannot tell you how calming and comforting it is to know there's someone bigger and better that I can put all my faith and trust in. I can hand over all of my problems, fears, and emotions and they will be handled with care and taken care of in God's time. It is the most loving feeling in the world. 

This quote fits perfectly with what I am going through right now.

A committed heart does not wait for conditions to be exactly right. Why? Because conditions are never exactly right. Indecision limits the Almighty and His ability to performs miracle in your life. He has put the vision in you- proceed! To wait, to wonder, to doubt, to be indecisive it to disobey God.            -Andy Andrews

I have to remind myself of this on a daily basis... I think we all do. It's only human nature to second guess, to wonder, to obsess, or to doubt a situation. Unfortunately, it is not the right thing to do. It gets us nowhere. If anything, it sets us 10 steps back. With all of the questions I have, the anger I can't seem to get rid of yet, the sadness in my heart, I have noticed slowly but surely it is being taken over by answers, by happiness, and forgiveness.

This weekend's hidden treasures:

• Honest and open friendships
• Comfort in my faith and spirituality
• I am loved, and the right person will be put in my life someday...and it won't feel like this!

Somebody That I Used To Know

Now and then I think of when we were together

Like when you said you felt so happy you could die

I told myself that you were right for me

But felt so lonely in your company

But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kinda sadness

Like resignation to the end, always the end

So when we found out that we could not make sense

Well you said we could still be friends

But I'll admit that I'm glad it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off

Make it like it never happened, that we were nothing

I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger

And that feels so rough

No you didn't have to stoop so low

Have your friends collect your records

And then change your number

Guess I didn't need that though

Now you're just somebody that I used to know...

~Gotye

It's so strange to me how people come and go in our lives. We spend everyday talking to them, sharing our deepest feelings and thoughts with them, and just like that- they can be taken from you. I think back of close friends I don't speak to anymore, ex-boyfriends, even co-workers I thought were near and dear to my heart... what happened? I guess that's the beauty in life though. People are put in our lives for a reason unknown to us. It's kind of exciting... you never know who is going to be put in your life next and who you will share more great times with. 

The break-up process though just SUCKS. It never gets easier no matter how many relationships you are in or how many times you think you fell in love. Why is that? Don't our brains learn by now? "Okay, time to grieve and move on." Ha- I wish it was that simple! The toughest part is exactly what this song is saying- when someone x's you out of their life completely and acts like you meant nothing to them. HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? I don't think it is, I think it is all an act, an easy way out, a defense mechanism, a way to avoid a crappy and emotional situation. Because when we let our emotions take over... well, let's face it. It is pretty freaking unbearable and we feel out of control of ourselves. 

I've had a lot of time to ponder over my recent heartbreak. Here are my little life lessons:

• You were fine before them, you'll be fine after them.
• There is no easy way of handling a break up... so just let it happen.
• Dealing with it by partying and drinking doesn't solve anything... unfortunately that's typically the guy's way of handling it!
• If you knew you did all you could and gave 100%, then that person is missing out.
• There will be someone who will want to give you 100%, won't make you compromise your life, and will want to do anything to be with you.
• Unfortunately, not everyone has as big of a heart or is as nice.
• Don't have expectations, because you most often will be let down.
• Sometimes we won't get the closure or the ending we want, we just have to accept what it is.

Basically... whenever one door closes, another one opens <3 I'm at the stage where now I am looking forward to seeing what God has to offer me next. Graduation is right around the corner, a possible move in the future, a fresh start? 

Beauty ALWAYS comes from pain. Just another hidden treasure!

The meaning behind "hidden treasures"

Recently I worked a Risk and Domestic Violence Conference for the grants I work for as a graduate assistant at NAU, The National Domestic Violence Fatality Review Initiative (NDVFRI) and Fatality Review and Safety Audits (FRASA). I met an amazing woman, Lynn. She is a recently divorced mother of four, with three triplets (all girls). As we were working and swapping life stories, the discussion of how we were raised came up. She told me that every night when she puts her three daughters and one son to bed, she whispers to them their "hidden treasure." This treasure is something none of the children can share with each other- it is between them and their mom... their own little secret. And each child has a different treasure each night. It is always something positive, something uplifting. For instance, it could be that they shared their toys with another kid at school and that their hidden treasure is that of giving, and that they are generous. Something so simple in life can make a world of impact.

So this got me thinking, am I as positive as a person as I could be? Am I taking something simple and applying it to the big kahuna we call life? The answer is no. I can always do better. There is no other way to get through life, though. Lately, I have been faced with a lot of bumpy days. And I tend to become selfish when these things happen and only focus on my problems and how I'm feeling. Instead, I need to think of the big picture; I'm not the ONLY person who has their down moments... It could be WAY worse! My mom has always told me when going through struggles "every morning think of three things you are grateful for." We tend to lose sight of the good and the positivity when complications come out way, or when life throws us a curve ball.

I've noticed that although my days still suck sometimes, I'm at least not thinking of myself anymore; I'm thinking of my family, my amazing support system, my education, and my faith. I know, I know... still a lot of "mys," which I am definitely going to start working on. What's the point of getting down on ourselves? Life is TOO SHORT to sit here and say "tomorrow I will do this..." or "things will get better in time." This may be true, but only if God gives us that time. What if God's plan isn't to grant us that time? We need to make the changes now. We need to be grateful now. We need to improve ourselves now. Yeah, yeah, yeah this sounds so cheesy- but let's make it happen.