Cold Tangerines

If you haven't noticed, our society and especially our generation (I think) focuses on the negative much more than the positive. Think about it: when you turn on the news, you hear about how many trains crashed this year and how many people died. You don't hear how many children were adopted or how homelessness has decreased. We have a GALORE of self-help books. We LOVE self-help! I am including myself in this too, so I cannot judge. We hone in on how to make ourselves the "better versions of ourselves" and how to live a life full of happiness. Why, as human beings, do we constantly search for something more? We're always looking for the next thing right around the corner. We're always looking forward to our "BIG MOMENT." 

A very special friend of mine knew I was going through a tough time a few months ago. Personally, I think one of the best gifts you can give is your understanding, compassion, and a good book to explain all of the above. That is just what she did. For my graduation present, I was given the book Cold Tangerines written by Shauna Niequist. 

I have probably 100 quotes highlighted that stood out to me. However, one of my favorites is in the very first chapter when discussing the urban myth of the BIG MOMENT... you know, that moment where EVERYTHING makes sense, the climax of the movie where everyone's life changes, the wedding day, the perfect job, etc. Instead, "in glimpses in flashes, that thing I'm waiting for, that adventure, that movie-score-worthy experience unfolding gracefully. This is it. Normal, daily life ticking by on our streets and sidewalks, in our houses and apartments, in our beds and at our dinner tables, in our dreamers and prayers and fights and secrets- this pedestrian life is the most precious thing any of us will ever experience." I could not have said it better myself. 

We're always waiting to be something more, looking forward to the better versions of ourselves. I know in high school I couldn't wait to start college and be a psychology major. I thought for sure I was going to go on to get my PhD and be a therapist. When I graduated, I realized I am not ready to be done with school and my passion had changed to more criminology. Those gruesome and stressful two years all I could think about was being able to say "I have a Master's degree" and start my career path. Now that I have done both things, I'm finding myself still waiting. Waiting for what exactly? Well, I want to settle down. I'll admit I want someone to share life's little moments with, have a family, buy a house, etc. But once that happens, guess what? I'll still be waiting. So these past few weeks, my goal is to remind myself everyday, every time I daydream of the future or get down in the dumps because life doesn't seem "perfect" yet, that the present- the here and now- is what leads to those moments. If I pass these little moments by, I may miss the path I am supposed to take. Who knew? Thank you Cold Tangerines. 

So what better thing to do than enjoy the simple pleasures...

Visited Flagstaff and had a gorgeous hike/run with a good friend

Random road trips to clear my head and thank God for everything!

Almost get killed in this new phenomenon in AZ called a "haboob" 

Turn up the music and drown out everything else in the world 

Become a wannabe gymnast in the 2012 Olympics.. duh

Go to Diamondbacks games, drink a beer, eat a hot dog, and be merry

Reunite with best friends and seriously... laugh all day and night long (the best medicine)

Celebrate a beautiful wedding with an amazing sisterhood <3 CHI OMEGA 

Laugh hideously at things like this ^^^

And most importantly, be humbled and remember my roots, where I came from, and who will always support me. I love you family.

Not every day is easy, exciting, or uplifting. I've endured some emotional, down, and difficult days these past few months. And I know these types of days will continue, but what will also continue is life's little moments- that Michael Jackson song that comes on Pandora that you can't help but dance in your car to, a random text from someone telling you how great of a person you are, a delicious coffee, a good book, and trust in something much much bigger than all of this. 

"I'm thankful for God's constant flickering and sparking flame inside me, planted in me years ago and fighting to keep burning. For a season, I didn't think it mattered much, but now I know that tiny flame is the most precious thing I have, and that it can ignite a forest fire inside any heart and can burn away a lifetime of apathy and regret and distance."       -Shauna Niequist

Life's hidden treasures as of late....

• How peaceful rainy days can feel
• A new apartment to call home
• The unexpected person who comes into your life
• Something as simple as a cold tangerine...

Hooded and Educated

The time has finally arrived.... I have officially received my Master's of Science in Applied Criminology!!!!!! This day and weekend was by far the happiest moment in my life so far. I could not have made it this far and where I am today without my Lord and Savior, my supportive family, and my amazing friends and graduate school program. To all of the people who dealt with my complaining, my bitching and whining over all the reading and 20 page papers I had, who saw me cry and stress to the max, who accompanied me to the library until 2 am, and who motivated me to get through the hard work.... a huge THANK YOU!!!! 

Just passed my internship defense!

One of my best friends I met at NAU... received his MBA!

Pre-graduation celebration with the brother

3 generations <3

After graduation I was finally able to breathe... although it still has not hit me yet! I have been able to spend time with my close friends and relax... This means lots of pool time and soaking up the sun, reading for fun, and beautiful runs outside......

...AND FINALLY VISITING THE GRAND CANYON

Spending the day with no plans, 80 degree weather, and with two of my great friends was such a blessing! Who knew just gazing at rocks and a huge hole in the ground could be so relaxing? I was also lucky enough to have my amazing family and grandparents here for Mother's Day.

Happy Train

I have been hit by the happy train. The past few weeks I have been filled with positivity, high hopes, support, love, sincerity, laughter, faith, old friends, new friends, generosity, and success. The list goes on. Quite the change from my last few blogs... It's amazing what time, prayer, and surrounding yourself with good people can do. I can only give thanks to the big man upstairs for the joy that has filled my heart and the peace that has eased my mind lately.

I ran my second Pat Tillman run (4.2 miles) on April 13, 2012 with my mom and dear friends Deana and Julie. I even got to run into an old friend, Dane. What an INCREDIBLE race! Last year it was packed... the ASU Sundevil Stadium was filled with sweaty and passionate people from all backgrounds. This year the race was sold out... 30,000 people ran!!! Talk about feeling like something bigger than yourself. Not only did I get a great work out in and beat my time last year by a few minutes... I was supporting a great cause and taking part in an awesome event.

Me and my inspiration and best friend... my mom!

 My best friend Deana and I

Julie and I post-run with Baxter 

2 in 1- huge Pat Tillman jersey and ridiculous lines for the port-o-pottys

Trying to be sneaky and throw up the Lumberjacks... boo ASU ;)

Because my internship defense has been scheduled and my classes are finished... I have much more time to enjoy the little things in life and in Flagstaff that I will miss oh so dearly when I leave. I feel like at any minute I can cry tears of happiness that I will be leaving so soon with a Master's Degree in my hands. 

I have been soaking up as much outdoorsy activities as I can... 

The beautiful long runs

Sedona creek days

Macy's European Coffee House

I plan on spending the rest of my time here until moving doing many things:

• FINALLY visiting the Grand Canyon (no I have never been... don't ask me how)
• Running Walnut Canyon and Buffalo Park (two great running trails)
• Spending Cinco de Mayo in the heart of downtown Flagstaff with my close friends
• Preparing for my internship defense and peeing my pants of excitement
• Crying because I'm happy
• Packing...
• Crying because I'm sad
• Saying goodbye to my Chi Omega sisters that have been on this journey with me the past four years 
• Crying because I'm scared for adult life
• Graduating and celebrating with my wonderful family and friends
• Smiling because I'm proud I followed my dreams :)  

The hidden treasures as of late? 

Hearing from old friends and being able to touch other people's hearts

My support system

Being able to read non-school related books

80 degree weather

All In Time, My Dear

The advice and knowledge my mother gives me will never escape me. I'm sure we can all remember the words we never want to hear from our moms. The painful truth about life. I'm trying to sit here and remember some key phrases, but there are too many to even conjure up! But I will say, thank you Mom AND Dad. Thank you for instilling a sense of peace within my soul. Thank you for always having the right thing to say at the wrong time. Because when the time is right, those words sneak up on me and I'm reminded of how wise you are.

Whenever I go through a tough time, my family, specifically my parents are the first people I go to. Thankfully I have an amazing support system. For instance, I am at a stage in my life where I have to take the next big plunge.... a career path. AH!!! Which one do I choose? Which job do I take? Is this much money enough? Is it even all about money? Will I be happy at this job? What should my budget look like? And the list goes on....

Making decisions and going through life by yourself is way too lonely. I thank God everyday I have my shoulders to lean on when I need them. Hidden treasure of the day: my healthy and loving family. 

Today Flagstaff was hit with a winter wonderland snow storm... in April. Yes, April. It has been non-stop snowing like a snow globe ALL DAY. Although I miss the sunshine and I was just getting used to loving the "run outdoor" weather... there's something about today that brought an inner peace, a serenity, a calm. There's something about being cooped inside, in comfy clothes, with the fireplace on, reading a good book, drinking tea, and watching movies that will forever calm my soul. I think the universe was telling me I needed to give my mind a rest! It has been all over the place lately and to be honest, it's exhausted. With graduation close, apartment hunting, preparing for a new job, and dealing with being a single lady again... it's only natural that my mind and soul are telling me to take a break. At least that is what I told myself today. 

So I took it upon myself to enjoy the gloomy snow... to sit in calmness, quiet, and just honestly not think about anything. VERY difficult to do by the way, I do not know how monks or people who meditate all the time do it! I decided to truck through the snow, get dressed, bring my school work, and head over to one of my favorite places on this earth... BARNES AND NOBLE :) :) :)

Hidden treasure number two of the day: I'm not alone. I ventured into the self-help and relationship section of the store. I took a peak and read the books I've heard about from others. One that struck me was It's Called a BreakUp Because It's Broken. 

I wish I had read this book when the break up first happened two months ago... but can't take back time. Wise, wise words with a lot of sarcasm and humor to ease the sad hearts in the world. I definitely recommend this book for any girl or even guy going through a rough break up. Sadly I feel like this advice was given to me many years ago when I dealt with my first serious break up. Over the years, I must have forgotten the rules... but you live and you learn, as Alanis Morissette would say. This book comforts me that I am not the only person who has felt such pain before, and that I WILL BE OKAY. Time is the healer of all wounds, something my mom constantly assures me of. 

For the first time in two months and after an all time low the last few days, I feel that the beauty in life lies in all these painful experiences. If we didn't have pain, we wouldn't appreciate beauty and joy. It takes turmoil and hurt and sadness and grief to realize self-actualization and peace within ourselves and with who we are. After all, God wired us the way we are for a reason. He must find some good in who we are. Don't forget though, self-actualization is probably going to happen 100 more times in your life. Hidden treasure number three today: expect sadness, sorrow, and pain as a part of life; if we expect it, we'll be able to handle the situation at more ease. 

Three hidden treasures in one day.... SUCCESS! :)

I Will Follow You

This weekend was eye opening. Even though going through a break up or personal struggles is painful and tough, the little life lessons and hidden treasures did not fail me. I was able to spend a lot of time outdoors the past few weekends; it always seems to help clear my head and put life in perspective for me. There is just something about being outdoors, with fresh air, beautiful scenery, and peace around you. It's calming. I tend to forget that the world around me is so much bigger than me and has much to offer.

Hiking Bell Rock Canyon in Sedona, AZ

Biking in Sedona, AZ

Running <3

I realized how thankful and lucky I am to have certain people in my life. I do not know what I would do without being able to open myself up and share my thoughts and feelings with people who truly understand, don't judge, and give me feedback. It really is a gift. I've always been a "sharer," and I wouldn't have it any other way. I have no idea how I would get through life if I didn't talk to people about it. It's my saving grace. Speaking of saving....

I was able to experience an amazing Good Friday church service and Easter Sunday service this weekend. 

Also, I am honored to say one of my best friends was confirmed and baptized into her church this weekend. Layne, I am SO proud of you and cannot wait to see what the future has to offer you! 

A dear friend of mine was in town and we shared a lot of meaningful discussions. He recommended several books for me to read when I graduate from grad school this May. I will FINALLY be able to read just for the heck of it :) 

• Confessions by St. Augustine
• The Jesuit Guide
• The Alchemist
• C.S. Lewis' The Screwtape Letters
• The Traveler's Gift
• Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand

I've really come to understand myself a bit better lately... through all of the midst and the chaos, I cannot tell you how calming and comforting it is to know there's someone bigger and better that I can put all my faith and trust in. I can hand over all of my problems, fears, and emotions and they will be handled with care and taken care of in God's time. It is the most loving feeling in the world. 

This quote fits perfectly with what I am going through right now.

A committed heart does not wait for conditions to be exactly right. Why? Because conditions are never exactly right. Indecision limits the Almighty and His ability to performs miracle in your life. He has put the vision in you- proceed! To wait, to wonder, to doubt, to be indecisive it to disobey God.            -Andy Andrews

I have to remind myself of this on a daily basis... I think we all do. It's only human nature to second guess, to wonder, to obsess, or to doubt a situation. Unfortunately, it is not the right thing to do. It gets us nowhere. If anything, it sets us 10 steps back. With all of the questions I have, the anger I can't seem to get rid of yet, the sadness in my heart, I have noticed slowly but surely it is being taken over by answers, by happiness, and forgiveness.

This weekend's hidden treasures:

• Honest and open friendships
• Comfort in my faith and spirituality
• I am loved, and the right person will be put in my life someday...and it won't feel like this!